Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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