i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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