the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
