and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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