my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
