Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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