I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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