Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
