he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
