I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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