Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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