wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
