He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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