What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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