I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
