So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
