Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
