I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
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yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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