It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
