Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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