His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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