I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
