listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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