Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
