Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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