you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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