meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
