my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
