You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
