Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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