Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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