Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
