the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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