I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
