imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
