we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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