And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
