yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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