Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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