Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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