I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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