And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
