The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
