May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
