Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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