Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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