I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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