I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
