It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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