i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
