Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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