When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
