You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
