Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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