I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
