He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
