do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
