We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
