Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
