this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
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alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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