If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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