Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
