Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
