U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
its not stalking. its research.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
