a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so explain again why im purple
no
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
