There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
