i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
